Time Enough for Talking
by TheREALCarbyLove
Summary: "How does a couple burgers, shakes and ... maybe see if you get lucky sound?" Yeah, it's a post-WLAM fic. Posted now in honor of the WLAM rerun airing last night. "Here we are ..."


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Title: Time Enough for Talking

Author: Andrea _(CarbyLove@aol.com__)_

Rating: R because it's smutty. Yay! 

Summary: A little post "Walk Like A Man" fic. 

Author's Note: Oh my God, I actually wrote something where Abby's not pregnant, possibly pregnant, or contemplating being pregnant. WTF? I didn't even mention the "b" word or throw out random motherhood anvils, even if the ep itself managed to toss out a couple. I know, I know, this is a scary turn of events. I'll try not to do it again. So anyway, I wrote this little ficlet sometime after "Walk Like A Man" aired the first time. But since I didn't post it then, I thought I'd wait until the episode aired again. You know, I thought it might make more sense that way. Uh, whatever. So yeah, I've haven't actually read this one in a long time, so I hope it makes some sense. Sure, I could read it now, but come on, I'm busy writing 2 new chapters … one for "This Thing About Birthdays" and one for "A Dream Life" … do you really think I have time to proof read this? If you find any errors (and you probably will) just guess at what that word was *supposed* to be, okay? 

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Time Enough for Talking

Everything is waves and stars

The universe is resting in my arms

I feel so light

This is all I want to feel tonight

And I feel so light

Tonight and the rest of my life 

-Tonight and the Rest of My Life, Nina Gordon

Words are funny things. Sometimes all the words in the words in the world aren't enough. Sometimes the wrong words can cause irrevocable damage. Sometimes unspoken words can drag you down and bury you under the weight of their relentless burden. And sometimes you don't need any words at all. 

I thought we needed to talk. I wanted to talk. Imagine that. It's not like me. Not really. Only maybe it is. Now. Ever since Carter came into my life, I find myself sharing things that I never thought I would. And what's more, I find that I want to share them. And now when things go wrong, I'm actually willing to talk about it. And that's what I thought we needed. To talk it out. I knew it wouldn't be pleasant, but I thought it was necessary. Only he wasn't convinced. So he got on that train and left me standing there alone. 

A part of me wanted to hate him for that. Or at least be really, really mad at him. How dare he walk away from me? How dare he leave like all the others? This is what I was so afraid of. How incredibly ironic. My fears of losing him held me back. Only holding back may just have made me lose him. It would be easier, in a way to just give up. To walk away now before we do anymore damage. Maybe we can somehow get out of this with our friendship still intact. We've tried so hard to maintain our friendship, to not let 'this thing' get in the way of it. Okay, maybe that's what I've been trying to do. And he's been following my lead. But maybe 'this thing', our relationship, will never work if we don't let go of what we had before. If _I_ don't let go of what we had before. 

Not that we can't still be friends, of course we can. But not in the same way we were before. I'm fooling myself to think that nothing changed when my best friend became my boyfriend. It great to have your boyfriend be your best friend, but trying to keep the relationship the same as it was when we were just friends doesn't really work. Because we aren't just friends anymore, even if I want it to be that simple. Things weren't as complicated then. But things change. I hope we will always be each other's best friend, but maybe I have to let us be more than that. Really be more than that. Physically, we already are. Emotionally … well, there was always a close emotional tie, but I've tried my damnedest to not let that emotional bond develop any further than it was when we were friends and nothing more. 

Except we aren't just friends. If this is what I want, if I want it to work, I have to stop holding back. I have to give in and let him inside these walls. I have to learn to depend on him. To trust him. And if I can't, I should just walk away. But I can't seem to do that. It's not what we do. One way or another we always come back to where we started, standing before each other, staring into one another's eyes. We routinely mess up the words, but luckily enough for us, we don't really seem to need them anyway. Our eyes meet and we can read each other like a book. It doesn't really matter what the words are, we are saying so much more to each other with a look, a smile, a simple touch says so much more than words ever could. 

I wanted to talk … and now we have. After a fashion. We've simply talked Abby and Carter style. Which means words are optional, and sometimes just get in the way. Which is why we are standing here on the front steps simply gazing at each other. With anyone else it would awkward, uncomfortable. With him, I'm somehow managing to tell him through this look all the things that words couldn't convey. Or that I can't manage to convey through words. I want to thank him. I want to thank him for caring. I want to thank him worrying. I want to thank him for fighting back and even for walking away. For coming back. 

But most of all I want to thank him for being here. And he's not just here, but he's here with me. He's here for me. He's here opening up the gate and inviting me in ... not just into his life, but into his heart. He's here not giving up on me, hoping that this time I'll take the invitation. Hoping that this time I'll let him in too. I want to tell him that I'm not going to make the same mistake twice. That I'm so glad that he's here with open arms, in spite of the fact that I've disappointed him. And that means more to me than I could ever put into words. He's here unconditionally. I understand that now. I want to thank him for that, and tell him that I want to take him up on his offer. I want to let him in. And I want to thank him for giving me this second chance. I want to tell him that I'm going to try harder this time. That I'm gonna get it right this time. I can't even begin to find the words. But I don't need words. 

I smile. I'm happy. Happier than I've ever been. Oh, I've been happy with him these past months, but this happiness is different. Different than anything I've ever felt before. I feel giddy with it. I feel light. Weightless. As if I could fly. Like a huge burden has suddenly been taken from my shoulders. As if a dark cloud has finally passed and the sun is shining brightly. Or the stars. The rain has passed and I stand here now, in front of him, under the brightest, most brilliant stars that I've ever seen. And I'm happy. He smiles back. He knows. I don't know how, but somehow he does. It's almost like magic. Or maybe more like a miracle. 

Are you magic, John Carter? Are you my miracle? An angel maybe? You're certainly the best thing that's ever happened to me. How did I get so lucky? Do you see this in my eyes? Do you know what I'm thinking? Yeah, you do. I know you do. 

He takes my hand and walks past me, up the stairs. He leads me to the front door and opens it for me. It seems that in all that time our eyes barely part. I'm not quite sure how it happens, but before I know it we are in the bedroom. Still locked in each other's gaze. Still not saying a word. Almost as if we are in a trance. Mesmerized by each other. Something is happening here. Something quite unlike anything I've ever experienced. The intensity is frightening. I almost want to turn away, but I can't. He has that kind of power over me. And that scares me and thrills me at the same time. 

The barrette in my hair is the first thing to go. I toss it over to the dresser top and let my hair fall loose around my face. My raincoat and his suit jacket are next. Shoes and socks. Watching each other, our eyes never straying. For once we aren't madly ripping each other's clothes off in a fit of lust, hunger, desire. No, I'm slowly undressing myself while staring in the deep brown pool of his eyes. He's matching me move for move. But everything is done slowly, deliberately. I unbutton my jeans and push them down over my hips. They fall to the floor, taking my panties with them. He takes off his shirt. Then all that is left is my shirt and his pants. And when they, too, are discarded on the floor, we stand before each other, totally naked. At our most vulnerable. And the symbolism isn't lost on me. 

But standing here naked, having not even touched him or been touched by him, my whole body is on fire. My skin is tingling. My stomach flipping over and over again. I want to touch him. I want to hold him in my arms. Even more, I want to be held by him. I want him to wrap his arms around me and hold on to me like he's never going to let go. He takes my hand once more and this time leads me over to the bed. We slip under the covers and immediately move into an embrace. He's holding me. Just the way I wanted to be held. I wrap my arms around him and cuddle up against him. Don't let go. Please don't let go. 

He doesn't. 

We just hold each other. I want to get as close to him as possible. If I could crawl inside his skin, I would. But I have to be content to just feel his warm skin against mine, against the length of my entire body. His hands on my back, slowly, soothingly stroking my bare skin. I can't stop looking at him. Not until he brings his face toward mine and our lips meet in the sweetest of all kisses. My eyes close at that moment, but still, I can see his is face. 

This is familiar territory, yet completely uncharted. We aren't throwing ourselves at each other with the normal fiery passion or desperation. This is all loving gazes and tender embraces. Our touches are soft and comforting and convey all those feelings that we couldn't quite manage to put in to words. I think I finally understand the difference between sex and making love. Because this is making love, in the truest sense. This isn't about physical pleasure, this is about emotional bonding. This about a whole different kind of need. This is about the need to feel so close to someone that they literally become a part of you. And I know that is what is happening here. This is unlike anything else I've ever experienced. Even with him, I never felt quite this close, quite this complete. That light and free feeling has only intensified. I don't know what this man is doing to me. I'm still terrified of what it means to give myself over to him completely, but I realize I no longer have a choice. I've surrendered to him. Now I can only hope he will be gentle with me. If his kisses and caresses are anything to judge by, he will be. The way he is touching me, with such reverence, such tenderness, makes me realize that I've chosen wisely. If there was ever anyone to take a chance on, it's him. 

We've been lying side-by-side, locked in each other's embrace, but now he gently rolls me over on to my back. He lays next to me on his side, and leans over to kiss my neck. Every kiss that he plants along my neck and down chest is a token of his caring, his concern. He's telling me everything I need to know. His gentleness lets me know that he understands what I am giving up for him. The one defense that I had left. He's stripped me of every last vestige of that strong and stoic facade. He knows me far too well. And that renders me helpless to resist him. I need him like I've never needed anyone else. I know I could live without him, but I also I know that would be a life dominated by the void he would leave in his wake. 

His hands slide down my body, with a feathery light touch. I close my eyes in pure bliss. When I open them, he is smiling down at me sweetly; I know he's been watching my reactions. When his hands move carefully over my hips and up my stomach to gently caress my breasts, my back arches up toward him. I love the feel of his strong hands on my sensitive flesh. I love being this close to him, feeling this close to him. I love the look on his face when he realizes all over again, just what his touch does to me. His lips seem to be everywhere at once, and when he pulls them away from my neck to look into my eyes, I feel that intensity once again in his stare. So many emotions behind those eyes. They tell me so much more than any words ever could. 

And so does his touch. My whole body is tingling and aching from head to toe because his hands are on me. One hand has returned to lightly stroking my side, while the other is still moving lightly but firmly over one of my breasts, coaxing the nipple to tingling firmness. The other breast is beginning to ache from wanting the same attention, when his hand slides over from my side and cups the breast from underneath, lifting it toward his waiting lips which suddenly descend upon the small, hardened nub. I cradle his head in my arms, holding it tightly against my chest, feeling his tongue and lips softly caress my swollen nipple. My eyes are closed and barely audible sighs escape from my mouth all on their own. I'm in a whole other world, a place where he takes me, where only he could take me. 

As his head moves away from my breasts and out of my arms, he shifts his body so that it's laying on top of mine. My arms wrap around his neck as he brings his lips back to mine. Our mouths open immediately allowing our tongues to mingle. I could go on kissing him like this forever. I never knew before him that a kiss could mean so much. But ours do. And we can communicate so much with a simple kiss. I hope he knows what I wish I could tell him in words. As his lips press firmly against mine, massaging them sensually, I think he knows. 

Right here, right now … we are the only two people world and there is no place else either of us would ever want to be. I need him so much, and I am so glad to have him here in my arms. I pull him closer to my body, wanting to feel all of him that I can. As our kisses deepen even more, he slides slowly into me. I feel whole. This is right. This is where I belong. With him. And as he moves smoothly, gently deep inside me, I feel closer to him than I've ever felt to anyone. I wrap my arms and legs tightly around his body as we develop and rhythm and begin to move together over and over in perfect harmony. Our bodies move together as if they were created just for each other. As we make love, we are joined more completely than we ever have been before. Our eyes are locked upon each other now and with each movement toward each other, we are forging a deeper bond, making unbreakable promises to each other. I want to be here with him, just like this. Forever. 

We seem to be holding each other even more tightly now. Although the sensations are building to a fever pitch, we seem reluctant to quicken the pace. Almost, it seems, we are fighting the inevitable end, not wanting to give up this ultimate physical closeness and the emotional bond that we've never before felt so acutely. But eventually our bodies' demanding need for release overcomes our emotional desire. But on this night, there are none of the usual cries of passion as we both reach our orgasms at the same moment, instead we endure the almost overwhelming sensations silently, heads buried in each other's necks, holding on to each other, as if for dear life. My muscles clench tightly around him as I feel the his warm essence deep inside of me. Our essential body fluids mixed together, completely inextricable, much like our lives. 

Our still shuddering bodies are wrapped up together, limbs entwined, as I bring my hands up to his face, gently caressing his cheeks and kiss him softly. Kissing him for so many reasons. For being here with me tonight. For all the unspoken words that we didn't even need. For all the joy that he brings to me. For fulfilling me in a way I never thought possible. For all that he is and for all that he will be in my life. 

"Abby…" he starts, in a voice barely above a whisper. 

"Shh…" I quiet him with a finger to his lips. I smile at him to let him know how happy I am just now. He looks deep into my eyes and after a moment nods almost imperceptibly before settling his head down on my chest. I wrap my arms around him, once more cradling his head against me. I can feel his slow and steady breath against my breasts, and I know he is being lulled by the beating of my heart. And I don't want to talk anymore. Not right now. There'll be time enough for talking later. All I want now is to hold him, resting in my arms, and bask in these feelings. I feel so light, so free, so happy. And this is all I want to feel. Tonight and the rest of my life. 


End file.
